Roses Smell Like BooBoo
So over the weekend I got hit w/ an email from my home girl who recently met up w/ some man-friend of hers named Q. She described the situation to me, and a ton of other people cc-ed on the email, as one in which sexual tension had been building for a number of years, but the jump off never got jumpoffed due to the fact that this man-buddy had a girlfriend. But now after a couple of rendez-vous (btw, how do u spell the plural of rendez vous??) - but yeah after a couple of nights out, she was debating whether to throw caution to the wind and pursue this guy despite his current involvement. This conundrum also raised some interesting questions for discussion:
1) Is it true that men can’t help but to cheat?
2) Are people more attractive when they appear taken?
3) Do you think that men/women were created to be with one person?
After a few back and forth emails from a bunch of people I decided to weigh in.
–Message Begins—
I think what’s missing from this discussion are the concepts of love, honesty, trust and loyalty. Our individual understanding of these concepts plays a far greater role in our decisions to pursue and act upon our sexual desires than our physical drives ever could. Granted, this is all pretty complex stuff, so there’s no one way to look @ things. And there’s definitely no end all be all answer or singular remedy for the problems we face in dealing with matters of the heart. I do however think the best way to get closer to an understanding of ourselves and our mates is by doing our best to remain honest and keep an open dialog.
For me, it has been extremely difficult to settle in to the age old idea that one individual is somehow meant to spend the earlier years of life going through various interpersonal relationships in search of “that special someone” whereupon we are supposed to spend the remainder of our days together in love; happy, family built, life fulfilled. Personally I think that’s hogwash. Poppycock. Scuttlebutt. (pause). As we move through life, we are constantly changing and discovering things about ourselves, opening up in new ways, closing off in others. All the while evolving our outlook on the world and how we relate to it, i.e. Gaining Perspective. A HUGE part of this understanding is tied to our sexual identity. How our mates view us. How we view ourselves. Its all kind of a big deal son. We love to be loved. And to say that this love is supposed to and can only be found in one “special someone” is preposterous. Don’t get me wrong, I think this can work for some people. Some men/women are the one and done type. But to assume that this is the hard and fast rule for everybody is beyond absurd. I can go to Starbucks and see 19 different types of Mocha Latte. I can go to Footlocker and have 7 different zebras try to (in 37 different ways) sell me 94 different styles of Air Force 1. But somehow, someway i have to believe there is only ONE way love can function properly. Getdafugouttahere!!!!
July 1st, 2008, posted by Cambridge
